A Women's Guide to Peeing Outside
- Lindley
- Mar 10, 2015
- 3 min read
A Princess has to pee too.
How To: A Woman’s Guide to Peeing Outside
I used to be a part of a naïve group of urban women that thought peeing outside was impossible and repulsive. But upon meeting some natives to the Durango area, I found that peeing outside can be liberating, clean, and easy.
You no longer have to loathe your boyfriend for just pulling off course for a quick leak. Women and men are both biologically equipped to pee outside. And it’s a great “party trick” to take back to the city.
The first time I became curious to the possibility of peeing outside I was standing in line for a bathroom at a wall to wall party on Dick Drive; when my girlfriend Abby, twice as intoxicated as I was, just pushed pass us all and peed like a champ in the driveway. After I almost passed out from the pain I had from having to pee, I figured this was a skill worth learning.
Abby used the pull to one side method, which we won’t encounter in this piece, as that is only for the expert pee-er. Other methods include the tripod, the buddy system, the throne, and the assist. Controversially though, the squat, is the easiest method. The one we will be learning.
Step One: Find a good spot. You need to be clear of obstacles. Make sure you aren’t peeing on a leaf, unfortunately they are shaped like spoons and you know what happens when you put a spoon under running water. Not good. Avoid animals, and of course, plain sight. Facing downhill is also your best bet to staying dry. If you pee facing upward, it will somehow always find it’s way to your toes. You also don’t need to hike ten minutes to find a spot. Men just pull off the side of the road. You can too! Walk with a purpose and don’t dally, just make sure your butt is covered. Be courteous; do not pee on hiking trails, campsites, at the base of rock climbs, or caves.
Step Two: Good clothing position. You are in danger if your pants are around your ankles or too close to your hips. Ideally, you’ll have them mid-thigh to knees. Having your pants around your ankles make it easier to trip and usually gets in the way of your stream. During the act itself, it’s often a good idea to pull up on your pants to create even more safe space.
Step Three: The Squat. This is the most important step. Get into a wide stance with your toes pointed outward and squat down as low as you can. The lower the better, and less splash zone. If there was ever a time to drop it low, this would be it. You can put your elbows on your thighs if this is hard to hold, but don’t worry, strength comes with practice. Then, make sure you aim (yes you too can aim) downward; you do this by tilting your pelvis up or down. Lean as far forward as you can to start.
Step Four: Clean Up. There are a few different ways to do this. After you finish, wave your hips in the air from side to side to shake off any lingering drops. Take a few seconds to air dry. If you used toilet paper, make sure to pack it out.
You did it! But a last minute note: if you did get a little pee on your shoes, simply wipe your shoes on something absorbent, like moss or dry dirt. No one will know, by the time you get back it’ll be almost dry and it’ll be your little secret. If you avoided your pants, you are gold.
This is something that women of our generation have been deprived of, something as primal as peeing. This should be second nature, but instead we wait in lines and clench, creating urinary tract infections. When all along, you could truly just step outside behind the bush. And when you become pregnant you can smile and giggle when other pregnant women sneeze and pee from over used bladder muscles caused from clenching their whole life. Peeing is a gift from God, and should be exercised as such.
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