Autumn of the Mind

I was eleven and my dad, the big boss, always had a secretary. Annie, the one my little sisters and I had loved, left to get a new job. So dad hired, Joanne. She smelled nice, dressed nice, and was clean cut, and socially appropriate. When he introduced my little sisters and I to her, we immediately got a weird feeling and disliked her, but he assured us she was great. Every time we saw her she was fake. She wanted her coworkers to see her being friends with her boss’ children, so she kneeled down to us and made weird baby noises and acted like she wanted to squeeze our cheeks. When one day, a customer of my dad’s, bumped her car in the parking lot by accident. She freaked out and threated a lawsuit against the company! My dad was bewildered, because she had seemed so sweet and calm, and great on paper. He looked at my two sisters and I, and was shocked. We had been right about the devil woman.

He later fired her. He told us girls-- that kids had the ability to see through people-- like a super power. He said we could see whether people were good or bad. He was right. But adults possessed that power as well, but they chose to ignore it. The same way they stopped believing in Santa and the Easter Bunny, these adults stopped believing in their power.

By design, humans can detect danger immediately when it enters their space. Like a deer who’s ears prick up the second a leaf crackles the wrong way. As women especially, we are designed to protect our house, bodies, and children. Our innate instinct goes back hundreds of thousands of years. But today, often when it comes to detecting people, we choose to ignore the little red flag.

Every single time I meet someone, I get a gut feeling. Like electricity, their energy shoots through my blood, and naturally, I get a definite “yes” or “no.” It’s usually not a maybe. It’s black and white, crystal clear. I know whether or not they have good intentions. I oftentimes slip up and go against impulse. Through conversations with other people a “no” can easily be twisted into a yes.

"He’s really cool once you get to know him, please give him a chance,” a line that is all too familiar at this age. A good friend can easily side against your better judgment. As humans we like to think we are a scholarly, civilized species that can out wit out intuition. How have we become so naïve to think our lofty discourse, and brilliant minds can outweigh our instincts?

I think in circles to myself: I know that kind of guy. It’s a trap. Stop Lindley. Give him a chance. But really, didn’t he seem too nice? That smile… there’s no way. Well she said he was a good guy. Is there really any harm? Yes, you’ll just pay for it later.

It’s truly amazing how convincing your mind can be. It’s sort of like rationalizing the reason to eat an entire tub of ice cream. You had a long, stressful day so you have a few bites. What’s a few more? Until it’s all gone. Nothing left, except a piercing pain in your stomach. You then realize: you are lactose, you just ate a weeks worth of calories, AND you have to run a timed mile in the morning.

The mind is a beautifully powerful tool. And it can either play for your team, or against your team. If you pay close attention and use correctly, it will tap into those once accessible human instincts. It will place in your hands, everything you need to know about someone in record time. Probably in under 10 seconds. But like any other skill, it must be practiced. And you know what they say- use it or lose it. Oftentimes, as adults, we rationalize our reason for having someone particularly destructive in our lives; someone you know isn’t good for you, someone your friends hate, someone who sucks the energy out of you.

Think of one person, you wish you hadn’t met or maybe hadn’t been so intimately involved with:

Now, what was your very first impression of them? (Assuming you weren’t predisposed by others opinions) But truly, think. What was your raw, uncut, unedited gut feeling?

And tell me, that you didn’t get a red flag. Even if it was a little, tiny margarita umbrella sized flag… tell me you didn’t get a flag…

Your radar could have been off. But it wasn’t. You could have been wrong. But you weren’t. Never override your first instinct. You were right. You are always right. Now that is something you wanted to hear. Be that small child you once were, with that power you once possessed. Listen closely to yourself. You have the gift of intuition. Instinct, impulse, gut feeling, sixth sense, hunch, inclination, premonition, ESP, or whatever else you want to call it. You have it. So use it next time. And take the time to be mindful as you invite people into the one and only life you'll ever have.